Ode to Steve Martin

admin — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 10:59:54 +0000

Ode to Steve Martin
© Williams 2005

Dear Steve
I don’t like you
(Ooh-wah-ooh-wah-ooh)
In fact, I despise you
Steve (Steve)
They say all these things about you
You’re talented (talented)
Intelligent (intelligent)
But you’re American
I hate your voice, your smirk, your smile
I hate your hair – it’s too damned white

Steve (Steve)
I don’t like you (No, no, no)
Uh-uh (She doesn’t like you, no, no, no)
In fact, I despise you
Steve (Steve)
They say all these things
They say you’re funny, but you’re not
I heard a twelve-year-old girl say
She thought you were hot (oh no)
Please, Steve, get off my TV
Get out of the movies
Go and play golf or something somewhere (somewhere)
I don’t have to hear of you
Ever again
(Shoo-be-doo-we-doo-wup, oh)

Please, Steve, I’m begging you
Begging you to go and do
Something that doesn’t require you
To be seen by me
You’re giving me nightmares (nightmares)
Your horrible white hair (white hair)
Your hideous smirking sneer (wah-ooh)
You’re old and ugly (wah-ooh)
You’re worse than Bill Murray (wah-ooh)
At least he’s funny
Sometimes (sometimes)
Get off (get off get off) the magazines
Get off (get off get off) the TV
Get off (get off get off) the movies
Before I hurt your feelings
Steve (Steve)
I don’t like you (no, no, no)
Steve (she doesn’t like you, no, no, no)
In fact, I despise you
Steve

Download or listen online: Ode to Steve Martin

Notes:

So I wrote and recorded this five and a half years ago! It was clearly a time when Steve Martin was EVERY FUCKING WHERE OMG, GO AWAY STEVE MARTIN. I obviously recorded it before I began identifying as a guy – but only just, because I remember being uncomfortable with the ‘shes’ in the backing vocals soon afterwards. Also, I wrote it before I met some nice Americans. Sorry, Americans, for the anti-American sentiments! I know for a fact that there are at least half a dozen talented and intelligent Americans out there! And Bill Murray . . . well, he’s still better than Steve Martin. And he is funny. Sometimes.

Anyway, when I first played this to my partner, he told me a story about how someone asked Steve Martin, “Why aren’t you funny any more?!” and Steve Martin looked upset. Oh! My partner has found a video of it for me. Dennis Pennis, WHY SO MEAN?

And then I felt bad for writing this song.

Interestingly, the writing and recording of “Ode to Steve Martin” also pre-dates by many years one of my favourite fandom secrets of all time it makes me really sad when people say mean things about actors on the internet because they probably see it and get their feelings hurt. (BEST!)

Ah, what else? I don’t know. I do like this song, even though it’s probably quite offensive (to: Steve Martin, Americans, old people, Bill Murray, people who care about any of those categories of person)! Because, man, what did I have against Steve Martin?! I clearly didn’t like him, no, no, no.

Do you?

Feel free to share this song with others – please link to this page rather than directly to the download!

nixwilliams

Ode to Steve Martin