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The Weatherman
© Williams 2007

A pile of coins on the bedside table
I took the train, would have driven if I’d known
A pile of gold and brown in the window
I took the chance to walk where the autumn leaves had blown

These sheets have been disinfected
The ground outside has been laid bare
A ghost of cloud wonders if we meant it
And skeletons of memory vanish into sterilised air

And a storm is coming
And the train has pulled away
I’m left with an empty bed
And a fistful of promises to make

A pile of books on the bedside table
Spines are broken and the pages dry
There are words in here I could have spoken
And there are leaves I should throw into the winter sky

And a storm is coming
And the train has pulled away
I’m left with an empty bed
And a fistful of promises to make
On a windy Sunday
When the sun is sinking low
When the sea is dancing
Now I find that I don’t want to let you go

These rooms have been scrubbed and steam cleaned
And all the windows polished til they shine
There is no dirt underneath my fingernails
The weatherman says it will be sunny and fine

Download: The Weatherman (mp3)

Background

I’d actually like to know what you get from this song. So, let’s play a game. Stop reading this until you’ve downloaded and listened to it, then tell me in the comments what you understand from it. Think of it like book group for a song – you don’t need to know what the author intended to read and discuss it.

Go on!

And then come back and read what I have to say about it.

Which is this: it’s about loss. Der! I wrote it in 2005, when I was staying in London with Midshipman Louise and his family, and I was working through my feelings of being on the other side of the world from Australia, and of packing up my life and the flat I’d lived in for three years – goodbye, home. But it’s also about the loss of loved ones, about the instant of death and about missing it, or not being there, about hospitals, about regretting not saying what should have been said. So it’s about loss and about grief, it’s about people and place, about identity and space, and about memory.

Now, the “Three Blind Mice” bit? Random! When I was recording I realised that this fitted in to the song. I needed some more live instrumentation, and my voice happened to be right there, so I just experimented. I like the way the nursery rhyme adds another level of association to the song: I think it brings in a sense of (past) time and memory (childhood) to set against the present. Or am I just being a bit too wanky?

It’s kind of interesting to see, though, that in last week’s TOTALLY COOL song, I was all about the seasons and the weather, and time and loss and I HAVEN’T CHANGED! Whoops. I hope, though, that this is slightly less crap. Oh, man, I hope so. Please tell me it is!

Recording

Damn, this recording has given me so much grief. SO MUCH. I originally wrote it on piano, and it was a very, very simple arrangement. Honestly, it’s possible that it sounds better that way. But I don’t have a piano, so I have to make do with the GarageBand software, which is difficult to get a nice sound out of (lots of playing with EQ, let me tell you!). Because I’m playing on the computer keyboard it’s never quite on the beat, and when I change it to be in time it’s too perfect. So I added guitar, just quietly, to give the mix some warmth and humanity and not sound quite as much like karaoke. I also used drums and beats, because . . . um, BECAUSE I COULD! Because if I’m going to use the metronome and keep to a beat I might as well make the most of it. I’ve got the, uh, “Percussion Combo 09.20” drum loop all the way through, elaborated in places with “Effected Dum Kit” beat loop. Hilarious. Oh yeah, I also have some “Orchestral Strings” doing bass for me.

I’ve tried a lot of stuff with this mix, including doing a master track EQ and effects. I’ve had to do a master EQ (and compression) because goddamn it’s difficult to re-train my mixing style for myself. It is so hard to mix a deep voice and try to differentiate it from the low instruments. This one sounds a bit muddy, I think, but it’s much better than it was yesterday, and I can not look at it again or I will scream. Part of the problem is that it sounds completely different through the headphones, the good speakers and the speakers of my laptop. The usual scenario: My headphones are great, and everything is lovely and clear and well mixed. In the good speakers, the lead vocals are seven times too loud, the bass is completely blown out, and there’s fuck-all treble. In the crap speakers, there’s no bass to speak of, so the backing vocals and guitar seem to be taking over. Wah! This time I tried mainly to make it sound OK on the good speakers, though I did some tweaking using the headphones.

If any of you have any suggestions about the mix, let me know – i.e. would you prefer the vocals louder? Less bass? Less mid? More bass on the guitar? More panning? I know there are at least two of you with more mixing experience than me! Speak!

Likings and Not-Likings

I put these together today, because a lot of them are flip-sides. For instance, I like that the lead vocal doesn’t stand out as much as usual because it works more as one instrument among many. On the other hand, I really like a clear, separate vocal line in music.

I like that I can have drums, and I quite like having them in there, but I’m afraid they sound a bit tacky and fake, and are a bit repetitive.

I like the kind of fun-ness of having the nursery rhyme in there, but I wonder if it adds or detracts from the overall song?

Conclusion

Basically, it comes down to this: I like that I’ve tried out a whole heap of things, but I’m not sure about the end product. Also, I need a decent microphone, because I simply cannot convert shit recording into great mix. As they say, crap in, crap out.

As usual, if you’d like to share with people, please link to this post, rather than to the download. Thank you!

When the Rainbow Falls
© Williams 1999

I wouldn’t mind if you only kissed my reflection
I wouldn’t mind if you only lived with my ghost
The summer sometimes seems to affect my perception
But it’s the only time when I realise just what I’ve lost

You’d take me away to the edge of the earth you decided
Take me away to the place you thought you knew well
But winter was cold and I was far less than delighted
But by then it’s too late we’d fallen under the spell

CHORUS:
When the rainbow falls from the sky I’ll believe you
When the smoke clears out of the air I will see you
When the tides stop turning, the river stops flowing, the mountains stop growing
I’ll believe you

The borders of time are something that we’ve long forgotten
And sometimes it seems that time has forgotten ourselves
“I’ll come back one day when the time’s right,” you said, “Please believe me
That time has its own way of making things turn out well.”

CHORUS:

It was summer back then
We had time on our hands
The years that divided us were something we could understand
It was summer back then
And everything seemed good

CHORUS:

Download: When the Rainbow Falls (mp3)

Background

No, I have NO IDEA what it means. But you can tell it’s really profound.

This is from my *ahem* first album, Cynical Optimist, recorded when I was eighteen at a small studio in the country and produced by Matt Disney (who, tragically, died a few years ago). I’m pretty sure I wrote this when I was sixteen or seventeen. So, you can forgive the completely pretentious, utterly too-serious nature of the lyrics, can’t you? Can’t you? I don’t know if I can. And I am really embarrassed listening to my properly trained vowels. “Per-fec-shon”! “De-vah-ded”! OH GOD. MAKE IT STOP! Even at the time I was a bit annoyed at not being allowed to sing with an Australian accent (my singing teacher and the producer were married at the time).

I am so embarrassed. My toes are curling just listening to it. And the thing is? It’s not the worst song on the CD.

Recording

I don’t think I’ve uploaded any proper studio recordings here yet, have I? Well, now I have. It was the first time I’d done anything in a studio and I was incredibly nervous. Luckily Matt was lovely and put me at ease, and was enthusiastic about what I wanted to do and encouraged me to experiment with things. Actually, when I found myself on the other side of the recording process (a year or so later) I finally understood some of the stuff he had been talking about. I wish he’d shown me at the time the way the software worked – I might have been able to do a better job of some things.

Dude. There is so much reverb on this. More, even, than I would like to use myself!

So, one thing I couldn’t do in the studio was play the piano by itself – I could only sing and play at the same time. I’d never (NEVER) had someone ask me to play and sing my songs separately. This is one thing that still puts me off in studio environments (at least the studio environments of which I am not in charge!), but I’ve improved since then. Anyway, you can hear the keys of the keyboard clunking in the background of my vocal track, which is something Matt was really worried about, but I don’t mind it. Actually, I was listening to “Maybe Not” by Cat Power the other day, and realised you can hear the keys and the pedal work on that track, too. That made me really happy!

Things I Like

Well, despite the horrendous pronunciation, I quite like my voice. I never really appreciated it when I had it, when I could sing those high notes with such clarity – I always, always wanted to sing low-low-LOW. But it’s very . . . pretty. Which is why I hated it, I guess.

Things I Don’t Like

Oh dearie me. The taking-itself-so-seriously-ness of it. Thank goodness I have mostly trained myself out of that. The piano is a bit ponderous (though I blame the nerves for that), and the recorder is a bit . . . something.

Conclusion

Mockity mock! You can laugh, you can cry, you can have an epiphany. But please don’t tell me that this is your favourite of all the songs I’ve posted or I will never trust your judgement again. And I may have to commit suicide in an incredibly emo, adolescent manner.

If, for some unholy reason, you would like to link your friends to this, please send them to this post instead of directly to the download. Thanks.

Theorists (a.k.a. Deleuze Did It)
© Williams 2007

My life’s a mess
And so’s my desk
It’s getting far too hard
My girlfriend left
It’s for the best
Coz she’s obsessed with Baudrillard
She believes the power of our love was just simulated
And I’m fragmented and frustrated

I’ve worked myself into a state now
I think I’ll go and defenestrate now
It seems a good way for theorists like me to go out
Deleuze did it

Maybe I’ll get a Darwin Award
It’s the only prize I’m eligible for
Given all academia believes my PhD is flawed
And Darwin’s a fraud
I didn’t evolve from the sea
Or come from that tree
Oh no
I jumped from the window

And rather than symbolic exchange
My graffiti’s just the writing on the wall
Just a fragment of my former self
If that self had a form at all
And I’ll insert a footnote as I fall
Deleuze did it

Download 1: Theorists (2004 Draft)
Download 2: Theorists (2007 Draft)

Background

Something different today – two versions of the same song.  If my memory serves me correctly, the first one I recorded at some stage in 2004. The second one I’ve been working on this week. They’re both drafts, though I’ve put a bit more effort into the second one!

Lyrics-wise . . . oh, post-whatever-ism! I’m pretty sure I wrote this either during Honours or 3rd year, when I became identifiable to others as a weird theory-nut, notably for my flailing defense of Baudrillard in a certain class (what!? I know he’s dodgy, but he’s dodgy in an hilarious way, like appropriating cowboy clothes and military-style jackets is dodgy but fun. Don’t take him too seriously and you’re fine). It’s also a result of me trying to find humour in what was (and is) an often very stressful world of academia, and has a bit of fun at the expense of academic writing styles. Which reminds me – I should find/record a version of my song that goes: You can’t blame me for not using the Harvard system you fucks! Footnote citation is perfectly appropriate! . . . Ahhh, how I’ve changed since then.

Oh, and for those who don’t know, Gilles Deleuze is a FAMOUS philosopher/theorist/whathaveyou who committed suicide in 1995 (huh, I thought it was earlier than that) by throwing himself out a window. I first heard the word ‘defenestration’, however, in The Lucksmiths’ song Goodness Gracious. Also, The Darwin Awards. Gold.

Recording

I don’t have heaps to say on this front, but I’d really like to hear what you guys suggest for making the recent version better. Please leave comments!

For the first time in my life, I’ve been able to get someone else to do a harmony that was TOO HIGH for me!  Two people, in fact:  Wing Commander Johnson and Midshipman Louise (Dani-Beth). They are both singing the high ‘ba-ba-baaahhh’ bits, while I am singing the lower one. Yay! Thanks, guys.

Which reminds me, this is a very harmony-heavy version. How do you feel about harmonies? Please tell me, as I really have no idea about what is excessive because I love them so.

I have continued to use the ‘Grand Piano’ software instrument from GarageBand which, on the higher notes, sounds almost like a plucked instrument (a harp, maybe?). I’ve also experimented briefly with the ‘Trumpet Section’, which you can hear on the first two ‘ba-ba-baaahhh’ bits. I forgot to put it on the last one before I uploaded it, so I’ll fix that up and re-upload the song another time when I’ve done some more work and taken your suggestions on board.

One day I’d love to do this with a full band, live. That would be fun!

Things I Like

Well, the lyrics! So many theory jokes! I am so witty! I’ve also had a couple of stop-in-my-tracks moments when I’ve heard me singing low harmonies. THAT’S MY VOICE! ALL LOW AND STUFF! Again, I’m enjoying playing with the software instruments, but I’d be interested in what you, Gentle Readers, have to say about them.

Oh! And the hilarious applause at the ending, including *ahem* someone quoting the ubiquitous line, “Show us ya tits!” We are all class, Jerry.

Things I Don’t Like

Well, it’s a draft, and the things I can pick are: clunky volume control on individual tracks and a couple of times on the master track; clunky (once again!) panning, where I need to go through and fiddle with it rather than just having each track set the whole way; the “Deleuze did it” bits and “Darwin’s a fraud” are sketchy – I didn’t have time to re-do them before uploading last night. YES! I have other things to do in my life, like prepare tutorials and do reading for my dissertation!

Mainly I think that this lacks a little bit of . . . spark. It’s getting better as I put effects on, and get the mix right, but I still think it needs something more. What is that something?!

Conclusion

I like this year’s version better than the old one, but I’m extremely keen to hear what you think. Is there something in the older one that you think could make the new one better? Let me know!

Please don’t hesitate to pimp my theory-inspired lyrical genius to the world, but link to this post rather than directly to the download. Thank you. Now, let me just go and have a look out that window . . .

I Don’t Want to Hear This ‘You’re Beautiful’
© Williams 2004

I don’t want to hear this ‘You’re beautiful’
I don’t want to hear this bullshit
I’ve got twenty dollars filling up my pocket
And I don’t want to hear this ‘You’re wonderful’
I don’t want to hear this about giving to the poor
I’m just passing on something someone gave me once before

And I don’t want to hear this
Stop looking that way
I don’t want to hear this
Stop staring at me
I won’t let you touch this

But here’s something – I warned you
Here’s something – you didn’t listen to me
I like it
I warned you I’m like this
You didn’t listen to me
Here’s something – I like the way it cuts you
Here’s something – I like the way it kills you
Here’s something, here’s something, here’s something, here’s something

Here’s something – my friends said I didn’t need to touch that
Here’s something – my mum says she didn’t need it
So take it back, take it back, take it back

I don’t want to hear this ‘You’re beautiful’
I don’t want to hear this about giving to the poor
If you were in the gutter I’d spit on you
So I don’t want to hear this ‘You’re beautiful’

Download: I Don’t Want to Hear This ‘You’re Beautiful’ (mp3)

Background

I was cleaning up the old computer tonight and I found a really, really rough version of this song. I’d forgotten I’d recorded it, but I’m glad I did. Wow. This is so lo-fi you could grate your teeth on it, and do I ever sound vicious in parts!

This was written after one too many wolf whistles or lewd comments, and one too many guys who, when told how offensive I found this behaviour, refused to acknowledge how fucked up it is. One person I worked with even told me that a lot of girls would like to be whistled at BECAUSE THEY WERE UGLY and so IT WOULD HELP WITH THEIR SELF-ESTEEM. Fuck you.

Recording

There’s not a hell of a lot to say about the recording of this. There’s one major track with the guitar and vocals (done in 2 takes), one backing vocals track and one additional guitar track (the hight bits). It’s really raw, and there’s not a lot I can do to improve it except mix it a little, put a couple of effects on it or play with the EQ to soften the edges, and make the cuts a bit smoother (volume, etc). Not much I can do about that horrid buzz. Maybe I’ll fix things another day. For now I’m just trying to get a song up tonight!

Please note that there’s a good 5 or 6 seconds of silence at the start of the track – sorry about that.

What I Like

Angry feminist! Whee!

What I Don’t Like

Bad recording quality! Boo!

Conclusion

Like I said, I’m really happy that I have a recording of this, no matter that it’s so dodgy. I think the roughness of it might even add to the overall effect. Would love to hear what you all think of it – it’s probably the most political (and worst quality) song I’ve uploaded here so far – if you can really rank politicalness (?) like that! So let me know if you’d like more or if I should stick to fannish love songs.

Feel free to share, but please link to this post rather than direct to the download. Thank you!

After the War
© Williams 2007

After the war we can live together
After the war, after the war
After the war we’ll move to the country together
After the war, after the war

After the war, when we’re free of the darkness that binds us
The hatred that blinds us, when the fighting is over
After the war, when the bodies are cleared from ground zero
When another war hero is knighted or buried

After the war we can retire together
After the war, after the war
After the war we’ll disappear together
After the war, after the war

After the war, when the baddies are dead and destroyed
Or the good guys are broken like badly made toys

After the war we’ll read the papers together
Obituaries with breakfast and lunch with the weather
And we won’t miss our friends or ask what it was for
After the war, after the war

Download: After the War (mp3)

Background

I wrote these lyrics and the basic melody in 2005 in Madrid. I’ve played around with the song a few times since then, trying to get the right chord progression, tempo, harmonies, etc. It never sounded quite right, though – I used to think it was because my voice was too high. Well, that problem has certainly been solved!

I was thinking about this last week, when I was doing an inventory of all my fannish songs. This was inspired by Harry Potter, and the way I hoped it would go: that is, horrible, never-ending war, with no happy resolutions and loads of angst, that stretched way beyond the scope of ‘The Hogwarts Years’. I wrote it with my favourite couple (Harry and Draco) in mind, but Wing Commander Johnson always read it as Sirius and Remus. At any rate, like most of my fandom-inspired songs, this works fine without any knowledge of the text. . . Anyway! I decided to have another fiddle around with it and record it with the possibility of uploading it here.

I have the feeling that I got the repetition of the lines “after the war” from a book someone was reading on a train or a hostel – I peeked over their shoulder and read a paragraph (which was probably much better than my lyrics) that was all about the things people were going to do “after the war”. It had such a sense of sadness and desperation to it. If anyone knows what book/story it is, could you please write it in the comments?

Recording

I used the GarageBand metronome to keep time, because I knew if I didn’t I would be all over the place. It’s actually quite difficult to keep to it! It really calls attention to the way I tend to speed up when I’m playing louder, and slow down when I’m playing softer – something my piano teacher always used to call me up on when I was younger! Speaking of pianoforte, I was inspired to try out the software piano in GarageBand after rambling on about it last week. It is so hilarious trying to do musical typing, because the letters on the (computer) keyboard DO NOT CORRELATE to the notes on the piano (keyboard). It’s like keymashing! Midshipman Louise (aka Dani-Beth) must think I’m a lunatic with my headphones on, staring at the computer screen and hitting the keyboard rhythmically. Weirdo.

Anyway, while I was fiddling around with the piano sounds, I thought I might as well explore some of the other weird effects. I made a bit of a pact with myself that I would try out anything I felt like trying so as to get a better feeling for what one can achieve with the software. Mucking around is the best way to learn these things.

So, I’ve used:

• “Grand Piano”, which I’ve made brighter than the default, to lift the mix a bit (my voice and the guitar tends towards being a bit muddy)
• “Samoa Sweep”, which kicks in at the first chorus (or Part B, if you will). It’s that kind of vrrrooooorrreeeeeeizzzzzoooorrr sound.
• “Church Bell” at the end. I know it’s kinda tacky, but I made a pact! So this is me experimenting and not dismissing things out of hand.
• “Nature Sounds”! AHAHAHAHA! BRILLIANT! I made there be a thunderstorm at the start and a forest with birds at the end! My film-sound geekiness comes out! I am ALL about soundscapes, really. Maybe one day I’ll upload one of my enormous experimental film sound projects and treat you to their awesomeness!

I also have two guitar tracks (or one track duplicated), with my own EQ (one taken from “I Gave My Love to Someone Who Was Loveless” and the other heightening the treble because it was getting a bit dark), the lead vocals with a slightly altered version of the “Male Basic” filter, and two somewhat different mixes of “Ambient Vocals” for the backing vox.

I have spent so much time fiddling with the mix over the last few days (this is another very fresh recording!) that I can’t even think of what else to say. I’m a bit brainfried!

Likey

I like the lyrics, mostly, and I’m really pleased that my voice now seems to suit the song a lot more. I’m happy that I’ve played around with the software a bit, because it’s important to know what your instruments can do. I think this is one that I’ll look back on and enjoy, rather than one of the “WTF?!” recordings I sometimes do!

Not-likey

Maybe it’s just having listened to it so many times, but it now seems too slow. Fuck! That is really annoying! I wonder if you guys feel that, too?

The piano? Is so not as good as a real piano would be. I don’t have the control over it like I would if I was actually playing, rather than doing this hilarious musical typing thing. As a result I think it sounds very sledgehammerish, like I’m a beginner bashing the keys. Hopefully this is not too obvious because it’s not the primary instrument, but that’s what it sounds like to me.

Also, I’ve spent so much time fiddling that I can’t really distance myself from it. All I can hear are the faults and the hitches, the places that the guitar didn’t quite do what I wanted, or my voice has a weird tremble, or the panning went too far and I can’t quite rectify it.

Conclusion

You need to listen to this one fairly loud to get the full impact of things (at least you need to on my speakers), but note that there’s a fade in, so until I start singing it’s not at full volume. I would really love to hear what you think of it!

As usual, I’m more than happy for you to tell your friends, your family, the whole world about this song, but I ask you to link them to this post instead of directly to the download. Thank you!