nixwilliams            

Divide Us Now
© Williams 2007

Are you lonely? Are you happy?
Do you miss the times we had?

We used to play, we used to fight,
We used to face things side by side;

You with paint and me with words –
Our guns to leave the dark disturbed

(Are you lonely? Are you happy?
Will you ever want this back?)

Are you there? You said you’d be
A place to turn to in my need,

And I need you now, I need that space,
I need you, but you turn away.

Don’t you see me? Don’t you hear me?
I know you don’t believe me;
Don’t believe in me.

(The master’s tools, the master’s house.
You’ve decided to divide us now)

Download: Divide Us Now (mp3)

Background

A couple of weeks ago we had the Transgender Day of Remembrance, with capital letters and all.

For whatever reason, I’ve been spending a lot of time on blogs recently, instead of on the boards I sometimes frequent. And I’ve been reading, specifically, lots of transwomen’s blogs. Usually I fall in with transguys on the internet, but recently I’ve been reading Sexual Ambiguities, Questioning Transphobia, and a couple of others. And I’ve been really shocked to realise that the terrible stuff you hear about (some, not all) radical feminists is actually true. There are some really horribly transphobic radfems out there, and they’re still being loudly transphobic to this day.

At one point during a recent (i.e. from this year) discussion, someone describing herself as a radical feminist broke out the Audre Lorde quote, “The master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house”, arguing that transpeople who claim to be working against the oppression of women are, basically, liars, because we are ‘buying in’ to the gender system by transitioning. Of course, this neatly ignores the fact that not all transpeople jump straight out of one gender box and into another, and that many radical feminists, by defending a very narrow version of ‘women’, are reproducing and enforcing gender binaries, marginalising (and, yes, oppressing) other vulnerable minorities. It’s also a pretty ironic choice of quotation to start throwing around. Anyway, someone else in the comments thread picked this up and proceeded to argue that one of the master’s tools was division – setting people up against each other, and teaching them to refuse to listen to other points of view (Don’t you hear me? Don’t you see me?), to shut themselves off to other truths in situations (I know you don’t believe me; don’t believe in me).

This song was also influenced by an amusing situation I found myself in at a recent symposium at the University of Melbourne, sitting next to Sheila Jeffreys, who is quite notorious for her transphobia (or trans hate, or whatever). It was kind of bizarre. And over lunch I noticed that she didn’t really mingle with the other academics from Melbourne – whether or not that was by choice, or because they avoided each other, I don’t know. So, as I am wont to do, I read too much into it, started feeling sorry for her, started imagining that she was lonely, etc, etc, etc. Damn writer’s mind! Always making up stories! Anyway, hence the opening line of the song, and “Will you ever want this back?”

This song is partly my late contribution to the TDoR, but I would like to dedicate it especially to Queen Emily and Lisa.

Recording

Wow! This song I built almost entirely on GarageBand – I had a few lines and a tune in my head, then constructed the finished product around the software beats, a piano part that I played then sampled and repeated, an inbuilt bass guitar riff that I pitch shifted around, some fake strings and suchlike, and MANY, MANY HARMONIES! I know! I bet you weren’t expecting them at all!

Those of you with weirdly good aural memories might have picked up that a couple of the beats are almost exactly the same as ones I used in The Weatherman. This wasn’t intentional at all. I just picked out the ones that were an appropriate tempo, and that I liked the sound of. I guess this means that I have a tendency to write songs that are a similar speed, and that I am consistent in the percussion sounds I like. Maybe in the future I’ll pick a beat that I wouldn’t usually go for and write a song around that, as a little challenge.

Recording was . . . interesting. I used a LOT of software stuff, which is a bit challenging for me. I also used quite a few effects on the vocals (but all quite minor, except the REVERB!), in order to try to get a better EQ balance. I think it’s worked OK, though I really need to get a microphone if I want a better vocal quality.

Things I Like

I like the little vinyl crackles at the start and the end of the track. Hee! Because it’s a record, you see?! I’m quite fond of the sentiment of the song, too.

Things I Like Less

I think if I was going to write this song again, I would try to incorporate a bridge, as I think it’s a little repetitive. I’m not too sure about the fake strings, either. Maybe I should find some better software string sounds. I do wonder, also, if the sentiment comes through correctly with the words. I wrote a number of lines that didn’t make the final cut because they were a bit ham-fisted, and I fear that some of the ones I kept in aren’t much better. I hope it’s oblique and ambiguous enough (though I guess I’m the only one who can make such a subjective judgement for myself).

Conclusion

Yay! A new-new song! And I quite like it! I know I pretty much always say that, but there’s usually something I get from writing, recording or re-listening to them. I’ve spent so much time tweaking and mixing this one, though, that I can’t really objectively assess it at the moment – all I can hear are the faults. I’ll leave the objectiveness to your good selves – please let me know what you think!

Also – YES! The Liberals LOST THE ELECTION!!!

By all means, please share this song with people you think might be interested, but please link to this post rather than directly to the download. Thank you!

Home Anymore
© Williams 2003 ?

Said I’d write you a letter, and this is my letter to you
(How very Tim Freedman)
You’re feeling lonely and I know that place, too
When all of the oceans crystallise in my eyes
And the continents rise
And you’ve gone, will you come –
Do you call this place home?
When you go, when you come –
Do you call this home anymore?

Said I’d write you a love song, and this is a love song for you
(How very self-conscious)
All that I wanted to say come back to this
And the rest is all nonsense
All the world is smaller now, and all that time is shorter now
Now you’re coming, now you’re going –
Do you still have a place to call –
Now you’re going, now you’re coming –
Do you have a home anymore?
Do you have a home anymore?

Download: Home Anymore (mp3)

Background

Like I promised, here is part two of my ‘Songs Inspired by Special Agent Ross’ series.

This song is riffing on the theme of home – what is it, how do we decide what to call home, where is it, who is there? The going/coming (shoosh!) lyrics, the half-sentences, reflect that. If someone is coming home, that implies that the person thinking/speaking is already there. If someone is going home, it implies that they are going away from somewhere else. Where is that somewhere else? Is it possible to have two homes? I have a home here in Melbourne, but I’ll also refer to my parents’ place as home sometimes – after all, that’s where I grew up.  When we lived in London for a bit with Midshipman Louise’s family, their house was a home, with the double layer of Midshipman Louise actually having lived there as a teenager.

The Tim Freedman line is a reference to The Whitlams‘ song “No Aphrodisiac”: A letter to you on a cassette, coz we don’t write anymore. I love the Whitlams, and I like that added home/Australia thing that the reference brings to the song. It’s all so intertextual and pomo. Ha.

Wah! I’m just getting in by the end of the week again – I really wanted to post this before the election results went live, because I may be spending the next week or so in jail for RIOTING if the Liberals get back in.

Recording

I wrote a whole thing about this, and then WordPress lost it. Serves me right for typing directly into the box. I can’t be bothered typing it again.

Conclusions

It’s funny to hear a vocal that is so controlled in some parts, while in other parts it’s completely lazy. Heh. Oh well, one day I will have awesome control again. JUST YOU WAIT! I hope you like the song, and I shall return you to recent material next week – hopefully a song I’ve been working on over the last few days!

Now, ELECTION PARTY. There will be much drinking. The theme for the night: CELEBRATE OR RIOT!

If you’d like to share this song with someone, please link them to this post rather than directly to the download. Thank you.

Missing Ross
© Williams 2003 (?)

When you feel like a part of you’s missing, come home
When you feel a little bit lonely, come home

When the other side of the world
Seems a little less brilliant
A little less friendly

When the other side of your life
Is not so exciting
Not so inviting

When you know that I miss you
When you know that I miss you

Come home

Download: Missing Ross (mp3)

Background

I’m sneaking in within the week! It’s Sunday! I’m so sorry I didn’t get something up earlier – all I can say is that I forgot, then I was busy. Tut-tut. I should learn to manage my time better.

I also want to say a big thank you to everyone who has commented on my last posts and listened to my little songs. I really appreciate getting feedback, even if it’s just, “I didn’t like this as much as last week’s song” (I will ask you why, though!) or “I like the guitar on this one” or “I’ll listen to it soon”. Of course I love it when people notice specific things about the lyrics or the music and share them with me, because I absolutely love getting other points of view.

So, onto this wee song. Special Agent Ross is one of my dearest friends, although he has been living most of his life in the UK for a number of years. I have a series of songs dragged out of how much I miss(ed) him, so although I’d much rather he was living here, it’s been very productive angst! This is the first in the series, so maybe I’ll post another one next week (i.e. in a few days). That way you can see a progression.

Recording

Again, one of my very lo-fi pieces. You can hear me bumping the computer keyboard at one point. I often do this thing where I think, “Oh, I’ll just make a very simple recording, with guitar and one vocal line,” and then I make it and go, “Hmm, what this really needs is A CHOIR OF ME in the background!” Sometimes I manage just so put in a couple of backing vocal lines to flesh it out, as was the case with this little piece.

Since doing home recording, actually, my songwriting process has changed a bit – I love post-production, so I’m much more likely to ‘build’ songs around a skeleton that I’ve pre-written. Not to a huge extent, but I think a lot more of my time is spent editing, tweaking . . . producing, I guess. Fun!

Like and dislikes

I like that this is such a short little thing (just over one minute), and I like the way that the backing vocals sort of creep up on the song, first used as another instrument, in a way. I like the harmonies in When you know that I miss you. I like the sparse sound of the guitar.

It was never really meant to be a good recording, more a way of keeping the idea for later, so my singing is not as great as it could be, and I haven’t tried to get rid of the iMac buzz. It seems that I’m always apologising for my singing. Maybe I should just stop, and note that really the reason for this is that I’m a creator of music rather than a singer, and that’s what I care about. So my singing is never going to be wonderful.

Conclusion

Sorry this is so late! I hope you enjoy it, even though it’s a wee little thing. I’d love to hear from you!

If you’d like to link someone to this song, please send them to this post rather than directly to the download.

In A Place I Thought Was Free
© Williams 2003, 2007

I’ve seen people drowning
We didn’t save them
I’ve seen the pictures
I’ve heard you saying
We were protecting
Our arses
We didn’t see them
We didn’t know them
We didn’t need to

Can you honestly tell me
You think you’re right
Can you honestly tell me
You can kill these people
And sleep at night

I used to be proud
To call this my home
Now I’m ashamed
I don’t believe you didn’t know
How can this happen here
In a place I thought was free
I wish I didn’t see you
I wish I didn’t know you
I wish I didn’t need to

Can you honestly tell me
You think you’re right
Can you honestly tell me
You can kill these people
You can kill these people

Download: In A Place I Thought Was Free (Original 2003 version)
Download: In A Place I Thought Was Free (New 2007 version)

Background

I have tried to write this commentary a number of times in the last few days. Each time I have ended up in tears. I am still utterly, utterly furious at the disgusting lies, repulsive attitudes and murderous behaviour of the Howard Government. I am still so angry and distraught that Australian citizens not only believed their lies, but voted them in again. Twice. I despair that people have forgotten this, or that they remember it and simply don’t give a shit and will vote for the Liberals again.

This song was written a while after the events, when my anger had stilled and hardened enough that I could make my fingers move to form chords on the guitar, and my despair had become enough part of me that I could begin to sing around it. It was written when I realised that these events had taken from me the faith I’d had in my idea of what Australia was and what it could be. It’s a nation state with borders and it’s exclusive and that unfortunately makes it a murdering machine. Depressing enough for you?

Please look at these links:

SIEV-X website including news articles documenting the disaster.

The Children Overboard Affair on Wikipedia, the Truth Overboard website and The Unthrown Kids article.

Also, keep in mind Tampa and the fucked-up-ness of it.

Recording

The original was recorded pretty speedily, and this fresh mix I mixed and recorded in one morning. I mis-recorded the vocals on the original, and there are a couple of words different to the song I actually wrote. But I think it works OK.

The original has rhythm/main guitar, lead vox, backing vox and a little lead/melody guitar. I’ve imported the original track, doubled it with different effects and EQ, added two separate vocals (one for layering, and one for emphasis), and a piano line to open up the bass a bit.

Well, I guess this is my first old me/new me duet!

What I Like, What I Don’t

I like the simplicity of the original, but I also like the bigger sound of the new one. I like that through this I was finally able to articulate some of the anger I carry around with me, and I like that I can post it here and have it recognised by other people. It’s therapeutic, in a way! Sorry to make you my unpaid therapists!

I dislike that the song exists, and that it’s still fucking relevant. I also think it’s a bit heavy-handed, but some things don’t deserve subtlety and poetics.

Conclusion

I thought I’d post this because there’s an election coming up. This is in place of a written rant on either my blog or my LJ about how very, very much I despise our current government. If ANY of you vote for the Liberal party in the coming election I will disown you. They are liars and killers.

This post will probably get me on the national insecurity blacklist, but what the fuck – I just re-watched V for Vendetta, and it was scary.

Please link all and sundry to this post. Get rid of the Liberals this election. It’s well past fucking time.