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Two Weeks
© Williams 2007

They say it takes two weeks to break a habit
And it’s been thirteen days, so I’m almost there
Tangled up your words with mine
Hanging together on the telephone line
Almost there, almost there

They say it takes two weeks to beat the cravings
So it’s OK that I can still feel your lips on mine
It’s OK that it’s not easy
That it’s harder than I ever believed it would be
I’m almost there, almost there

And I’m OK with pretending that I’m OK it’s the ending
Almost there, almost there
And tomorrow I’ll forget you, it will be like I never met you
Almost there, almost there

In the morning this will all be over
My heart won’t be broken and I won’t fall to pieces
In the meantime I’ll treat it like an addiction
Like a substance I can’t count on
Instead of someone I know damn well still cares
I’m almost there, I’m almost there

They say it takes two weeks, but I don’t know
I suppose that gives me one more night to dream
One more night to nurse the bruises
One last cry without excuses
I’m almost there

And in the morning this will all be over
My heart won’t be broken and I won’t fall to pieces
In the meantime I’ll treat it like an addiction
Like a substance I can’t count on
Instead of someone I know damn well still cares
I’m almost there, I’m almost there, I’m almost there
I’m almost there

I’m almost there

Download: Two Weeks (mp3)

Last.fm link: here

Background

This is my last song of the year, and it’s one that I recorded just before I made the decision to go ahead with this song a week project (a month or so before I actually got around to making the site), so I thought it was pretty apt to upload it as my last song for the year. In 2008 I won’t be doing as many songs, because I’ve found that one per week (on top of PhD, tutoring, working, organising and living) has stifled my composing, which is almost the opposite of what it was meant to do! I spend my spare time writing up these posts, mixing, re-mixing, recording, etc, instead of working on new material. I’m thinking that next year I might do a song a month, and make it a new song every month. How would you all feel about that? Would you have withdrawal symptoms? Could you . . . break the habit? (You see what I did there?!)

They say it takes two weeks to break a habit. I can’t remember where I read that, but I was about 15 or 16, and it’s stuck with me since then. I hope it’s true, because otherwise this song makes me look like a foooool. This person agrees. Look at what my Google skills can find! I’m not recommending you buy this book, by the way. I have no idea what’s in it. Also, “actionable”. What?

The thing about heartache, missing people and feeling like shit is that it would be so much more bearable (IMO) if there was a cut-off point. If you not only knew that it would eventually get better, but if you knew how long it was going to take – two weeks, three months, a year. But then, that’s probably because I have time management issues.

Recording

This was recorded in one sitting, very soon after I started on testosterone, and my voice was starting to get a little bit rough at the edges, especially at the high end. I was also just being able to reach slightly lower notes, and I find it amusing to hear how VERY LOW those notes are, now that I can sing almost an octave lower.

Because it was recorded straight up, there are a couple of glitches, bumps, and lyric smudges. The one that kind of still annoys me is when I sing “I’m OK with pretending that it’s OK it’s the ending” instead of “I’m OK with pretending that I’m OK it’s the ending”. This is mainly because I really like the way the “I’m” version travels through the music, so that as the lyric unfolds you get so many different meanings:

• I’m OK
• I’m OK with pretending
• I’m OK with pretending that I’m OK: which brings the lyrics a full cycle, so it could turn into a repeat of “I’m OK with pretending”.
• I’m OK with pretending that I’m OK it’s the ending: which gives a different edge to the sentiment of “pretending that I’m OK”, because the narrator might be OK with everything but the ending . . .

I think you lose a couple of the possibilities and emotional nuances with “it’s OK”. But I think this is generally a good recording with all its imperfections, so I didn’t re-record it.

A Real Conclusion

Well, I’m sorry that the last few posts have been very light on. I’ve been busy with end of year things, working, organising a new supervisor for my PhD, and now Midshipman Louise’s parental units are here from the UK. I’ve enjoyed putting up a song a week since August, and I haven’t missed a week. Yay! I’m pretty proud of that effort, all things considered.

Thanks to everyone who’s been on this expedition with me, especially to those who have left feedback (some people on almost every post – Grace, especially) and have encouraged me throughout the last few months. Thanks to SamSam, who made my Last.fm profile; to Calysta Rose, Sajee and Es for putting my songs on their Christmas mix CDs; to the wonderful people in the blogosphere and on LJ who told their friends to listen (and boosted hits to my sites to an all time high!); thanks especially to those people who have given constructive feedback, particularly Queen Emily and her musical expertise.

I hope you’ve enjoyed the site in 2007, and continue to visit in 2008.

I’d be delighted if you’d like to share this song, or any of my others, with people. However, please link to the individual posts rather than directly to the download. Thank you!

Ode to Billy Boyd
© Bowen, Johnson, Katz and Williams (not that we’d admit to it)

Ode to Billy Boyd (mp3)

I have nothing to say about this song, except that we have remained ridiculously amused by it for a number of years. Thanks to WGCDR Johnson and Midshipman Louise for their assistance in recording this version of the masterpiece. As I say at the end of the track, “Genius”.

Feel free to share with a link back to this post.

Esther
© 2005 Chiera, Greaves, Katz and Williams

Today I saw a cat and thought of you
Today I read your blog and thought of you
Today I got your postcard
Today I walked to Carlton
Today I ordered flowers and thought of you

Did you think of me when you were eating crepes in Hampstead?
Did you thing of me when you were defacing currency?
When the dodgy French men
Touched you inappropriately
Did you think of me?

Esther, you are the best-er
I wrote some fanfic
Where you came back to Australia
Esther, oh yes we missed ya
I had a dream where Gary kissed ya
In a bulldozer

Today I saw a Mormon and thought of you
Today I saw some Orthodox Jews and they made me think of you too
Today I saw a book, I saw a fridge, I saw some houses
Today I saw a cup of tea, but no tartan troosers yet
Today I saw the sky and though of you
Did you think of me too?

Esther, did you think of me too?
Esther, you are the best-er
Esther, did you think of me too?

Download: Esther (mp3)

Background:

Wing Commander Johnson (of VB fame) was still overseas, and some members of the Northcote Military TATU of Death (NMTOD) convened in her absence. We decided to write a song for her. The result a bit silly, but awesome nevertheless. I think I shall just go through the references so this song makes sense to anyone who is not the writer, the subject, or a very close friend.

Verse 1
• WGCDR Johnson likes cats. Perhaps more that is strictly natural. But you can’t blame her, because she has many very lovely cats in her life. You might be able to hear in the background of the last chorus I’m singing, “Cats, cats, cats, cats . . .”
• She was away, she kept a blog and sent hilarious postcards.
• She used to live in Carlton.
• And she used to work for the Phone Order Flower Company Of Doom (POFCOD?). I used to ring her up there and make her talk to me instead of answering customer calls. It seemed like a pretty cushy call centre from the outside.

Verse 2
• Hampstead Creperie. Enough said, really.
• Members of NMTOD have engaged in many illegal activities over the years. One of these was a mission to write “Northcote Military TATU of Death IS COMING!” on as many overseas paper notes (euros, pounds, etc) as possible, with the aim that one of us would eventually be somewhere in Europe and would get one that someone else had written on. We also played this game by writing on the bottom of bunk beds in hostels. FUN TIMES!
• Dodgy French men. They are lecherous. Um, I am also a lech.

Chorus
• Esther rhymes with very few words. Jester. Molester. Fester. None of which are particularly fun to put in songs. So we just went with “best-er”. Because we’re dorks.
• Fanfic! This song is fanfic.
• Gary = Gary Oldman. WGCDR Johnson had previously written a song called “Kissing Gary Oldman”. Which was brilliant. Is brilliant. I think we should record it.
• WGCDR Johnson also had (has?) an obsession with earthmovers, particularly bulldozers. Which is too cool for words, really!

Verse 3
• Mormons. I can’t quite remember, but there was a good reason we referenced them. Oh, yeah, that. Never mind.
• Orthodox Jews. Heh. There’s a game, rather like Punch Buggy but for people wearing Jewish headgear. And yes, I realise how utterly un-PC and possibly offensive this is. Sometimes I get extra points because I’m the first one to punch for Midshipman Louise. Anyway, it’s one punch for someone with a kippar or yarmulke, two for someone with sidelocks (peyos) and a black hat, and the ultimate is for a Chasidic Jewish man in one of those awesome furry black hats (). I can’t quite remember how many punches we gave for women with wigs or other hair coverings.
• Tartan troosers refers to our time in Scotland, and a little ditty we composed there. I can’t quite remember it – WGCDR Johnson may comment here and tell us?

Wow. I hope you don’t all think I’m a horrible person, now? Maybe I shouldn’t have chosen to put up a song with so many offensive cultural references. Eek!

WGCDR Johnson has also reminded me to point out that this song is almost identical in chord structure (and tune) to parts of Christy Moore’s “Foxy Devil”, which is one of the songs we listened to as we drove around Scotland and became whisky snobs (OK, I know Christy Moore is Irish, and that his song is about ‘whiskey’ rather than ‘whisky’, but never mind!). You can download a preview of it here.

Recording

Although it was written by a good portion of NMTOD, I recorded it by myself. Because I’m mean like that, and also we couldn’t get everyone together to record. The first thing I want to say is this: AHAHAHAHA! RECORDERS! They amuse me greatly. Kind of follows from last week’s folkiness.

I recorded this on ProTools, so all of the harmonies, etc, are probably a result of me juggling the 8 stereo (or 16 mono) tracks available on the free version. Yeah, I still miss ProTools. GarageBand is just not the same. I have freshened up the track a bit this week, by feeding it whole into GarageBand and fiddling a bit with the EQ and suchlike on the master track. It’s just a subtle difference, but it gives it a bit more depth and brightness.

It’s not a fantastic quality recording, but it has energy.

Conclusion

I like this song because it’s fun and lighthearted. There have been a lot of serious songs on this site over the last couple of months, and I am not always such a serious songwriter, you know! And yeah, I’m scrambling to get this posted before Sunday ends (even though I had the debate AGAIN with Midshipman Louise last night about Sunday actually being the FIRST day of the week – IT IS!), and already trying to figure out what I’ll post in the coming week, because I’ve been too busy to write and record much. Which is crap, but ah well. I have a couple of options up my sleeve.

As usual, feel free to share with people, but please link them to this post rather than directly to the download. Thank you!

Ballad
© Williams 2003

CHORUS:
Away, oh-wey
I was only a girl when we parted
Away, oh-wey, oh

I was only sixteen
You know what that means:
There were people like him.
He said I was the one,
His moon and his sun,
And I, being young, didn’t know better

CHORUS:

He was a rambling man,
Was never tied down,
But he promised me now
That we would always be true
Our love like the dew
On the roses in the morning:
Pristine and new

And I swear the smile on this face could have persuaded angels from grace
And his beautiful eyes never gave his lying lips away

CHORUS:

He left me one morning when summer was dawning
A child at my feet, said he had to be free.
He left me.

Oh, my darling, I love you, I need you
You said you would stay here and I believed you.
Don’t leave me alone with our baby
Stay here, stay here, don’t leave me.
He left me.

CHORUS:

Seven years later, our daughter has died,
It’s midnight and I hear a voice from outside.
He says, “I’ve come back for you, please let me in.”
He says he’s come back, and I am so grateful to him,
Grateful to him.

CHORUS:

“Oh my love, come sit by the fire
And tell me of your adventuring days!
Draw closer, I’ll stoke the flames higher
And you can tell me how you’ve changed your ways.
Our daughter has grown up, she’s tall and she’s healthy
And I never stopped loving you.
If you’re hungry, there’s food to go round here
If you’re thirsty I’ll bring you wine, too.”

And he set to drinking and boasting and leering
Til being so drunk he fell to the hearth.
I went to the kitchen and took up my carving knife
And I knelt beside him and cut out his heart.

CHORUS:

Judges and juries, how do you find me guilty of taking a life?
I could argue I was just claiming something that he’d always promised was mine.

And there’s one less monster to come for you daughters:
So I’ve helped yours where I couldn’t save mine.
Will you jail me, hang draw and quarter me?
Will it help you sleep better tonight?

CHORUS:

Download: Ballad (mp3)

Background

Man, I love this song so much. I really understand if nobody else does, but I just love it! *Assertively displays folk heritage*

I wrote this as an antidote to the thinly veiled misogyny apparent in a lot of old folk songs about ugly, murderous, irrational women who betray, kill or otherwise do wrong by their men. There’s always another side to the story, surely. This post became a bit of a lesson on “women in Steeleye Span songs”, so bear with me!

I’ve always been a huge fan of Steeleye Span, and I think they’re an interesting case, because they often choose songs that are misogynist, but they alter them enough for their renditions to be a little more aware, a little more ironic. For instance, their version of Al[l]ison Gross stops at the point that the narrator is turned into “an ugly worm” by the witch after he has refused to become her lover and has insulted her continually. In some other versions he is turned back into a human by the faeries, but in this one he’s left as a worm/dragon as punishment for being an arsehole. You can hear their version in this (HILARIOUS!!!) YouTube video.



Then again, there are songs about traitors, such as the woman in Sir James the Rose, who betrays the knight to his death. Why, though? Why would she do this? I have my suspicions about him seducing her and only using her when he’s in dire circumstances. Bastard. Also, it pisses me off that James is a murderer, and the men who then kill him are murderers, but it’s the woman who gets punished as the moral of the story. Sheesh.

Steeleye Span also sing a wonderful version of Black Jack Dav[e]y (the White Stripes have done a version, too!) in which the wife (in other versions it’s the daughter) runs off with a hot gypsy man when her husband’s been away for too long. The husband (father) rides after them and tries to get her to come home. She refuses magnificently! What care I for your goosefeather bed with the sheets turned down so bravely, when I may sleep on the cold, hard ground along with the Black Jack Davy?!

Recording

I don’t have a lot to say about the recording of this song, since it was so long ago. It’s one of the first songs I recorded by making a WALL O’ HARMONY! I started with the guitar and one vocal line, and built up the rest of the vocals around it. I wanted them to really give it an emotional punch, rather than to be all perfect and well-considered. I think it worked to a degree. One of the ways I did the harmonies was to record a few together, then mute the original melody, record another one, mute the second harmony and record another one. This way the harmonies are not all tied to the melody and guitar, and sometimes make for interesting tensions. Of course, sometimes it sounds dreadful, but it’s still fun, and I can just delete the awful ones!

What I Like, What I Don’t

I think there are bits of the recording that are very rough, and could have done with more tweaking, and there are a couple of off notes here and there. On the other hand, I do like that I didn’t figure out the harmonies before I started recording. As I said, it can take the song in different directions.

The thing I really like about this song is also the thing that I’m most ambivalent about – that is, the bloodthirsty delight in the murder. I think it does exactly what I want it to do – that is, it situates it as not being a completely irrational act, and it gets you on side with the narrator. I think that as an exercise in writing, it really works (of course, you can have a different opinion on that – let me know in the comments). On the other hand, I still have that liberal humanist voice in one ear saying that killing is never justifiable, and what am I doing trying to make it so? And then the feminist voice in my other ear tells me that is the voice of privilege, and my ears start having a war! Alarm!

Conclusion

Yes, it’s a folk song, and it’s kind of bloodthirsty. And it won’t be to everyone’s taste, I realise that. But I still really like it – despite the not-so-great recording quality, and the not-so-well-thought-out vocal harmonies, and the not-so-polished end product! It has an emoshun!

Note

Thank you very much to everyone who has linked to and/or commented on Divide Us Now. The number of hits that song has received is almost four times as many as any other I’ve posted here! I hope that a couple of you have stuck around and looked at the other songs! It’s good to have you on board.

Feel free to share this with other people, but please remember to link to this post rather than directly to the download. Thank you!